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A visitor said: A friend recommended I read an article you wrote on death and the Mumbai attacks. I started reading that and wondered why he told me about it but when I got further into it I understood. I had started feeling suicidal at Thanksgiving and with Christmas coming up - the first since my wife left me. Since my friend introduced me to your work, I've read more of your writings on personas and I am seeing that you are right - the end / "death" of my relationship with my wife seems more painful than the actual deaths of people I've loved. I haven't cared about anybody else since she left except me. It's all been about me. What you write about is pretty foreign to me but somehow I am getting out of myself at least a little bit - but I need more help. Anyway thank you for your writings - it seems like maybe they have helped even if they have not been the total solution yet.
The reply: First, if it is heard that suicidal thoughts are happening, the suggestion is always to "go immediately to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. Follow up by finding a counselor who specializes in grief recovery and trauma treatment."
(In some cases, an EMDR element in a treatment plan can be effective. Call some counselors and inquire about their level of training and expertise.) Then later, this understanding might be relevant, but it is not the first line of defense against self-harm.
For those dealing with the "death" of roles and who are finding that some "special season" seems to be providing some impetus for an aggravation of misery and suffering around a sense of loss (but who have not concluded that suicide might be the only answer), some pointers might provide clarity and release from attachment:
First, the key pointers are these:
(1) the blocked consciousness allows a "mind" to believe in the false concepts of "separation" and "different from" and "better than": "one season is different from and better than other seasons," or "this season is worse than other times of the year because I am not with person 'A' or person 'B' "; and
(2) both pain-which is registered via the body-and misery and suffering-which register via the "mind"-can only register
(a) if Consciousness is manifest and if
(b) physical consciousness is present; however, if
(c) the Consciousness is blocked from seeing Reality and a person is operating under the auspices of a "mind," which is nothing more than a storehouse of fiction, then fluctuations between happiness and suffering are guaranteed.
(Meaning? If the physical consciousness is suspended via the administering of anesthesia, a doctor can remove the heart in a body and replace it with another one and no pain will register during the procedure. If the Consciousness is not manifest, then misery and suffering cannot register.
If the Pure Consciousness is blocked, then truth cannot be seen and misery and suffering will also be registered in that case. In such cases, the Pure Consciousness-the Pure Witness, the True Self-does not know ItSelf; therefore, it will accept all sorts of false roles as identities.
False roles generate co-dependency-which prevents independence / freedom-so misery and suffering will follow. Persons will be miserable and will suffer if they are not independent / free.)
Next, nothing provides as clear an understanding of the reason that Advaitin teachers advise against accepting roles as identities as the events generated by accepting such roles as "spouse," "lover," "partner," etc. as identities.
Actually, misery and suffering are always rooted in duality and in the dualistic ideas that persons (the non-Realized) believe about "personal relationships." The very term is dualistic, suggesting that something "personal" can be real and suggesting that two of anything can "relate."
There is no "A" that can relate to "B." There is only the "not two." The concept of "personal" is a lie and the concept of one thing being able to relate to another is a lie.
No wonder the labels mentioned above-if accepted as identities-will generate misery: anything thought to be a "relationship" is a lie, so all "relationships" are based in a lie from the start and in the additional lies that come about as "relationships" unfold.
That which does not change is Real; that which changes is false, and all "relationships" will change. This has been shared before but is relevant here:
What persons call "love" is the most magnificent experience of all; it is also the most horrendous experience of all. With such duality, how can that possibly be taken for the Real? As for feeling or emotion, if love happens as a feeling, take the ride and watch the feelings rise and fall; if love happens as an emotion-that is, if it is being "experienced" by a person in an ego-state-prepare for war."
Whatever is false but believed to be true might lead to occasional pleasure but will eventually lead to belief-and-concept-based ignorance and therefore to the misery and suffering that are always subsequent to ignorance.
Any role is a mirage, dreamed up by persons and accepted by followers in their cultures. Mirages do not begin or end-they are simply appearances without substance. Just as teaching might happen or not even as no role of "The Teacher" is adopted, so too can "husbanding" and "wifing" happen without all of the misery and suffering associated with role acceptance and role-"loss."
As long as roles are accepted as identities, the fluctuations and chaos of duality will manifest. Period of happiness will be replaced with periods of fighting or disagreeing or having to forgive or holding grudges or suffering misery.
And all of that flows from notions about being "in relationships," including ...
... being in relationship with another person, and
... being in an eternal relationship with "self"-believing that the body-mind-personality triad can last forever, and
... being in relationship with a god or gods, etc.
All of those "relationships" will be guaranteed to fluctuate ("I'm close to my spouse," "I'm not close to my spouse," "I'm close to my god," "I don't feel close to my god right now," ad infinitum).
Of the eight traits of the untreated Addictive Personality Disorder, the number one manifestation of that condition is said to be "having problems in personal relationships." With 99% of all persons being addicted to something, is it any wonder that such chaos manifests throughout the relative when trying to deal with "personal relationships," including a "personal relationship with someone," a "personal relationship with God," a "personal relationship with self," etc.?
It will be shown that all of the happenings that occur during the relative can happen even if Realized, but what will not happen is any attachment to that which is not Real. Consider: what if a delusional person saw for the first time ever a mirage in the desert. What if that person became fascinated with the mirage-even enamored by the mirage-and went to the desert every day to be with the mirage.
On days when the conditions were the same as on the day of that first sighting, that person would be happy, spending some time once again with the mirage. On rainy days or cloudy days, however, that person would be miserable, feeling separated from the mirage that he / she has come to "love."
Such instability and such fluctuations in mood are typical of those persons who are playing roles and believing that the mirages appearing during their relative existence are real. Such misperceiving will always lead eventually to the misery described earlier by the miserable man.
All of the pointers above will be doubted by persons being exposed to them for the first time. Doubt these pointers if you will, but why not as readily doubt what you have been told all your life by "others"?
If a person has moved through this relative existence for any period of time, then the unblocked consciousness has the potential to see objectively that the current belief systems that are being held in such awe are not producing the desired effects.
If you can see with the least bit of objectivity, then why not at least reconsider the validity of your beliefs and concepts and ideas? The "path" to freedom is a seven-step journey to Realization. The "path" to misery and suffering is the path of duality.
Now some find the Direct Path no-concept, non-dual Reality teachings to be "harsh," suggesting "Why don't you build up the man whose wife left? He's hurting." Why would anyone stand before a mirage and try to build it up? Further, there is no one standing before a mirage and trying to tear it down. All that is happening is that a mirage is being shown to be a mirage along with the pointer that it is foolish to allow a mirage to have any effect on thought, word, or deed ... especially when thoughts and words might lead to the deed of suicide.
eBOOK SPECIFICATIONS: 140 pages; Publisher: Henderson Books; Language: English.
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